Date number 1!

That’s right. I did it.

I went on my first date since single status was taken on back in October.

I was so nervous. I spent the day in my PJs and at around 4pm I had a shower and put on black trousers and a black round neck sweater. Realising I looked like I was going to a funeral so put on my leopard print pumps. No one would wear those to a funeral right?

Also – like sod’s law dictate I had the worst spot ever between my top lip and my nose. Shit shit shit. So I tried out lots of make up methods to cover it best I could and then ruffled my hair. I’d have taken a picture but I’m not sure you would have appreciated it. I wasn’t feeling confident with my look. I did do a bit of digging around with the port director and from our discussions I think i could deduce he was a boob rather than bum man and he mentioned he liked kissing so I made an effort to make my lips look really lush. I think this could be classed as the ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’

So… I turn up with my heart racing… proper racing. I haven’t been on a date since, well… August 2009. What if he really does not like me. I’m conscious of my spot and that my hair is not doing what I want it to do. I buy a diet coke. Now… should I buy him one? Is that dating etiquette? I don’t know so I forget about it and sit in a booth and try to focus on anything else in the bar but fail miserably.

He turns up. I literally break a sweat. He’s lovely. Really lovely. He has a great smile and he’s tall and has the kind of hair you want to run your fingers through. That’s right. I said it. I want. To run. My fingers. Through his hair! Don’t judge me!

So he gets a beer and we chat for a while. It doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable at all. I was worried that we would have nothing to talk about since  we’d been talking so much on email. He has a few quirks which put me at ease. We bantered about everything and although his job is really unusual it’s really interesting. We chatted about Christmas and presents and family arguments! I then opened up a little and told him some of the dysfunctional aspects of my family which caused me not to spend much time at home over Christmas. It was at that point, while I was smiley and laughing about something which, at the time, had caused me heartache and unhappiness that he leant in and kissed me.

I’m not used to guys liking me or being attracted to me… I’m awkward and geeky and clumsy. I say strange words like ‘oh my god’ and ‘awesome’ a lot. Mid kiss I muttered ‘Why are you doing this?’ he immediately stopped. What guy wouldn’t. It’s not what you want to hear from the girl that you are kissing. The thing is, in my paranoid mind, I assumed he was doing it to make me shut up! I guess perhaps he saw a vulnerability that he wanted to protect. He replied ‘I just really wanted to do that. You’re pushing me away so I’m assuming that…’ and mid sentence I kissed him back. I like him a great deal. I feel like I know him because we’ve talked so often.

We talked until about half ten and I offered to drive him home as he’d had a few beers. He was quiet in the car and I wasn’t sure if he was regretting his actions or what but we got back to his and he invited me in. My friend’s words echoed in my head about ’1st date etiquette’ and allowing men to chase blah blah blah. I accepted and went in. It was a true bachelor pad. Well, I say that but I would have happily lived there. I couldn’t get around the fact he worked from home and there was little structure to his working week and he was completely motivated to get his work done from his own steam. I am more than sure I would be obese and unemployed if I were ever told to work from home. Everything would be distracting and I’d eat everything in sight. Anyway, back to the date. I looked around and we chatted and I watched some of his work which was really, really good stuff. I kissed him again and made my way home.

So my realisations from the date were…

1. I am so out of the game. I don’t know how to date at all. I feel like I’m on a job interview and have to perform somehow. I struggle to relax and be myself.

2. I really like this guy… which is obviously great because some dates can be so horrendous. I can feel myself panicking though. What do I do now? I’m seeing him next week but some friends have said ‘be aloof’ and ‘play the game’ but when I hear that sort of thing I start to panic. I don’t want to get in to a dating scenario where we play games. It’s so unpleasant and uncomfortable. I can’t think of a better way to make 2 people unhappy. I think because sometimes I don’t like me I don’t know how anyone else will possibly like me. What about when I’m in a temper or I don’t have make up on… blah blah blah.

Solution: I’m just going to take it in my stride. I don’t want to chase or be chased or make someone unhappy in any way. I think we get on and have a similar humour. I don’t want to be annoying or irritating and I certainly don’t want to sideline friends like I may have done in the past. I guess it’ll work out if it’s meant to.

What’s the strangest/best/worst date you’ve ever had and why?